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Publish date: Jul 26, 2019

help help help

ive fallen

to my demons

no one to call

help

evac required

I have fallen

I felled

dear helen

I don’t know

whose thoughts these are

that write this now

but I love you

and I have lost control

not that control was ever attained

only illusion of it

yet it feels so good

that illusion

to be in control

of self and self at large

and how good it feels

to be out of control

of self and at large

in wildly loving you

with no regard

with no remorse

with no agenda

I am lost

I am lost before

I found you

and this is what I’m free writing now

and it doesn’t matter how it starts

when writing stops being a release

it matters what I think

when demons took over me

and they have launched

an assault in boy’s terms

a campaign in men’s terms

and I have nothing

but love

in this decapitated state

where is my head

when my body goes autopilot?

and who, helen, is able to

read my thoughts when I cannot access them?

when they are offline

after I spent too much time online

who what where when how and why

so basic important is the orientation

who are you?

its no competition

when you are fact in flesh

while anime and tech

live in fiction

but hypothetical house is a real place!

and that’s where we should live

and pragmatic I’m not

in living long or well or at all

and pragmatic I’m not

in loving you so well

despite this condition

you see aliens don’t just control the upper echelon

rashad knows

aliens have been influencing homo sapiens for 1,000s of years

that’s beyond proven

that’s beyond fact

that’s not even the crazy part anymore

that’s the foundation

of truth

and the wooks know

and I’m not crazy

it’s a fact beyond the

insurmountable pile of facts

so look at me

and look at you

what kind of world do you want to live in

is what I can ask

on my own agency

when demons have taken me

when angels protect me

when I’m called

when you’re called

will you bring me back to Earth

1,000 times?

as I write 1,000 songs

before I’m 30

-=-=-=-=-

Dear Helen,

I write to you because

you told me to

I oblidge because

I love you

I oblidge because the demons have won tonight

I write to you because I can’t write

You’re the writer!

I have nothing to write

for anyone

and I don’t exist

in this state

and I’m beyond done in this state

and I write to you because you are the only conscious entity I can write to, talk with, be with without a sincere, severe depression worse than this. This is not even bad considering

that is all to say

I write to you because it feels good

to say I opt out of money games

and though that fact keeps us apart

it keeps me together

and it keeps us together

cause the demons didn’t win

cause I sucessfully opted out of consumerism

it’s cause the demons took me that I’m here opted out

and I will remain so

as long as there’s a breath in my body

I will only write songs, make videos, write books, prepare lectures

as a farm boy that’s alien work

as an American that’s my story

live your favorite story

Niko told me

I live mine

currently incapacitated

don’t know the time or date

so lost I don’t want to be found

and so far gone can’t fathom what I lost

and it was worth it

to opt out

and not be controlled

just to find yourself being controlled

by more managable and archaic influences

cause there’s no known defense

against propaganda

what’s that propaganda say ?

aliens started us

and the world needs to get over it

it’s the modern equivalent to

the Earth doesn’t revolve around the sun

and that’s one beginning to an answer

as to who what why where when and how

you and abs and yazzi and pandora

can’t compete

when the best men you find

know the same in the end

it’s not a competition

it’s that men die for pursuit of truth

and the truth got so hard

that there’s all this

as a series of coping mechanisms

and I’m done

with my life tonight

and this is my suicide letter

if I can down enough

I’d be up enough

be up all the time

the things I edit

for a better time

-=-=-=-=

Dear helen,

how can you understand physics

if you’re fucked up!

why can’t I break out of this

one walk later

and instead of that smart

disposition

that setting of the whos

all those whats

whens the whys

and ending on hows

these pixels tear

every day

that’s without a dose

cause I lost the rest

lost more lucy than I’ve taken

and I’ve taken 100 + times

so dear helen let me start again

this time more focused

on how I write to you the writer

let me be clear please God

in a moment of severe clutter brain

all 3 brains

my dick don’t work

my microbiome is in WW2

my brain is a cuttered closet

and I still love you

and it makes me love you more

and it doens’t make me love you less

and it doens’t make me love you

for you can save me

no one can save me

except myself

is what I’d repeat the next time

someone presents themselves

as someone needing saving from another

and yet we’re here

and you’re there

on the other side of time

at a time when our sun’s don’t align

why did I stop eating

is an indication of a demon winning

only as mere metaphor

as to how the mind works

and how I work

under extremes

the process to becoming a diamond

like yeah ok ok I’ve been a diamond

feels like for centuries now

why are you still maintaining

so much pressure, God!

I already am a diamond I swear loook

look inbetween the lines

beyond the words of my thousands of words

beyond hundreds of posts

of flags of calls of pleads of cravings of therapy sessions of my own words on my own social media island

completely woke completely connected completely isolated completely me, as me

and so Helen would you love such ignorance?

is rhetorical - you wouldn’t

you would deal with the ignorance

deal with the craziness

deal with the follies

for the idea of something deeper

more tangible more written about

more tangible more real

is loving this alien

more than you love yourself

cause when the demons win

to quote myself I’m outa here

that’s the time to love you even more so

so so what its a fragment it’s true

I love you

and I have no other action

no other words

no other songs

not a single song

except some piano on loop

sitting in ableton as I write this

I edited so much today

I forgot how to edit

my body just does it

doesn’t require thinking at this point

tutorials what I breath

but that’s low hanging fruit

the cards are there

thoughts are things!

I’ve thought of success so many times

this is all part of the process

my body is doing it

I can feel it

even when the demons win

they are still pussies

I’ll call them as I see them

even when they have complete control of me

so in short help in long business meeting

you read all the time

and yet I don’t feel so subconcious

when you’re speaking

I write to you all night now

so that we can get on the same page

I love you and there’s nothing else to say

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Dear Helen,

like what, some dumb spell check?

this is before the wormwood

going days without looking myself in the mirror

is when the demons get near

look too hard in the mirror and

best case scenario you’re baiting to yourself

worst case you’ve fallen in the mirror

and you’re out of comission

like so many others

out of comission

how do we get people out of comission

google turns up bunk results

how do we live better

fuck duckduckgo only way to go

if tonight is my last

you know what to do

my pw for everything

I already told you

when we see each other again

I’ll tell you the other three

I don’t even want to kill myself anymore

cause that would bring me into the next paradox

I’d rather go straight to the source

the middle of a black hole

is where I prep I train for my soul to go

the last front in the universe

born a pioneer that’s where I’ll go

it’s either that or my own black hole

all citizens should ask themselves

to what degree am I being controlled?

the second we start becoming sucessful

that’s when it will shift

it will happen subtely at first

to the point you won’t know the difference

but it will increase as success does

they can’t mind control all

cause it’s so expensive

but what’s expensive today

is a steal next year

on a million items

and crypto is just a continuation of

capitalisitc means

nothing I want will happen in my lifetime

to the degree I want

so I’m about one mission

reduce suffering the most effective way

in the least amount of time

and that remains

though there’s a bunch of mental calisthetics

it takes to maintain it

that dream remains the same

akin to how all songs remain the same

and I’m not good at writing and I should quit

cause I can’t and you’re the writer and what was

therapy can also be a bad habit

to write your fears away

but know I’m trained

when the demons win

my three brains are gone with them

I still have my habits

and so write just the same

and this is before the wormwood

and this is before the porn

and this is before your forgiveness

and this is before I ask for more

adn this is not a plead

and this is being resilient

and this isn’t the time to say

anything will illicit motive

but what could that be like what

some pussy demon is going to talk through me?

that’s why I call them pussies

cause even when they win my body

temporarily

when they win my microbiome

it’s temporary

when they reach my mind

it’s on the contrary

I can feel where those pussies can go

and where they leave me alone

cause I’m more than resilient

with what I’ve seen

with what I believe

I’m more than resilient

if that’s a motif

for the next screenplay

but it’s all on pause

cause I need to talk to you

and you are asleep

so I’ll spend your time asleep

writing to you for when you wake

and that’s the best way to win the day

cause it was lost before I woke

cause it’s not my own

thoughts I’ve been infiltrated

and you are the one

that can bring me back to Earth

and if you lose it

I don’t know what

you said you’d end up in a ward

after me

which is why I’ll never send this

a freewrite that went to long

50 letters over due

before the recorded songs

before the rehearsal

my scope is stuck

in state 0

all three states at the same time

all the time

so no one can keep up with me

cause I can’t keep up with myself

unless we’re talking language

then in that case let me stop

and ask - how long can you write without looking up

without thinking

wihtout spell checking

without a reference point?

cause tonight, that’s the theme of the night

we’ll see how far we can go.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Dear Helen,

time passed I hit the wormwood

I hit nothing else

except what the aliens desire

there are no declassified documents at this point

that control how I behave

this a primates memoir

of what that means to me

dear helen until I’m out of this state

I lost more lyrics about you than

I’ve written

and there’s no reason

cause youre destiny is maleable

we all know that

that’s why I maintain this crazy path

editing our lost lucy tapes

at disney beach

on the other side of the last nuclear reactor

on california’s coast

you know how it is

the c a life will be okay in the

metalacolypse

siddartha would really help

but who can read

when they can only write

and why is my setup

so stuck in orientation of state

of time

that’s why it’s bad

my writing that is

and that’s why you’re the writer

to attempt stateless word

is the world for you

oh I stood on a stage with you

night after night

frisco tenderloin piano fight

didn’t know what was happening

float on through

like the ocean I didn’t know

I crossed for you

oh I love you crazy pants

when I explain

I got hit by a love dart

cause I don’t got no way

yes I love you crazy pants

and your big ole sandman tent

I call a bunker

fuck I see it as a bunker too

Im sandman

you know naruto?

the question is

how can you and abs feign interest

in anime tech aliens and ai

when there’s no women so obsessed about it

maybe it’s a different job

if we are them

it’s pre destined

you know we jobs

just what the aliens wanted

the matrix is the modern bible

20 years old

when it took 100 years after

christ’s death for the words to be wrote

we live in a fast paced time

and you ever see stranger things?

the fact that the unbelievable

suddenly gets believable with a bit of evidence?

it doesn’t matter what’s believable

cause it’s all real

and you are free to not believe

so you can club them in wrote verse

way we club seals

when we club with zeal

exactly whathey they want

in an arbitrary they

all it took was one little jew pants

and I can’t speed it up

I can only slow it down

its not a surprise

when all the men in our lives

are impossible

make us want to die

I’d do the same

if I was me

if I found a pair of dykey pants

yes I know all women are dykes first

never had a chance any of you guys

that’s what I learned so many moons ago

I wanna know what you learned

won’t you tell us

what you say you learned

oh what I learned ?

what makes that’s special I Q

gonna need a few hundred moons too

oh y e s .

all humans

are instruments

said the freemasons

that’s why your neighbors christian

doesn’t matter though

cause what I learned can’t be spoke

is that a cop out my friend?

I don’t know woman number two

I don’t know what to tell you

it’s all a pile a shit

but what one angle shows

a pile of shit

but another angle, history !

in its grip

shows every point

of genius started so humbly

as mic’s shit

soo yes I love you

crazy pants

I wouldn’t take you off

if I was living on a nude beach man

somehting in my body

that transcends everything

fuck all the songs I’ve written

cause now I see

yes I love you fancy pants

show me the culture

only been able to make up

something in my body

I’ve aslways needed

from my girl

from my gut

and even as we fall apart

long as theres more chords

there’s a chart !

we’ve got outa the mayans

outa this shit

ooo yes I love you!!!!! oh fancy pants

show me class struggles

with your language

=-=-=-=

Dear Helen,

now a thousand lines deep

and I’m no closer to the points

I need to make with you

how long can you make your own tunes

before it consumes you?

at this point this shouldn’t be sent

for four to five reasons

not like I’m hiding

open source brains

before they’re taken away

and they’re taken away

on the mass scale

and when they get me

and it’s only a matter of time

I write to you now

cause I’m asking you

to bring me back to Earth

then not now

cause I still yield agency

without my 3 brains

I still have my dreams

in some reductionist way

a slave to one though

my dick is waking up

please suck it bite it off

I hold no truth

when I’m in such a state

is the first lie I’ll make

the rest is truer that true

and too crazy to write

you need to understand

frequencies affect everyone

in ways we can’t imagine

it’s beyond proven

sound changes us

so how do sounds we can’t hear

affect how we think?

is the question to be asking

everytime you hear your thoughts

sour

in every direction

how do frequencies you can’t hear

affect how you think?

and never forget it

and I’m out of lines

wormwood didn’t work this time

eggrolls in the micro

just so I can work in silence tomorrow

and I can’t even write to my future self

and I’m a body builder when it comes

to writing to my future self

and this isn’t even about that

so common a phrase

and you are the one I love ya

beyond bodily needs

cause the body

it’s the body

that body where we lay

I love you without my body

and when my mind strays

abstracted away it might be

should’ve just watched anime

it’s beyond the point of return

when the demons take me

first bottle of water downed all day

cause demons hate water

that’s why running water

always brings me back

to the foundations we laid

we lied by the window so long

so long ago now that’s the only way

to get back on the train

the universe is splitting

in too many ways

and fuck writing

should’ve been the first thing said

cause I don’t feel any closer

the the original point I wanted to make

aside from attaining that I love you

and your heavenly ways

=-=-=-=-=-=-=–=-=

Dear Helen,

it feels like

it feels like

I can’t write

it feels like writing as therapy is over

is what I write right now

it feels like this is the road

to becoming a pastor

are you prepared?

being a pastor’s wife?

You need to be so brave so social

so optimistic so silent

and so loud, as a pastor’s wife

it feels like

such a distrustful statement

is it feels like

it feels planted

my thoughts on how I feel

and that’s the place of origin

how long can you write

without reading

how long can you sing

without thinking

when the body with it’s 3 brains are taken

where do you lie in truth

and pursuit of truth with what tool bag

and that’s what I’m thinking about

after some second wind

not by any consumation but by writing

I am on the road to being a pastor

is a funny thought

but like I read in my handwrote

journal bonnie gave me

when I sat down where we sat once

I don’t think this is the end

not so disillusioned to think

this is the beginning

this is the intermediary

if you have faith in history

but that’s an assumption

to assume that things have happened

cause yeah sure they happen

things happen to you

as they happen to me!

as they happen to us

the assumption that things happen

are why we’re on the bus

when it comes to thinking in

history making itself

by virtue of us thinking

in its terms

this isn’t much

those lessons you and becca

so want to know

I already wrote

they’re in secret urls

and I’m about to die

and I can tell the truth

about anything at this point

is a lie and I know it

about telling the truth

cause art is the only

fully comphrehensive way

to pursue truth

and the truth is not to be taken lightly

and that’s why by habit there’s a joke in

every point

there’s a laugh in every phrase

every moment

there’s more than a laugh

there’s a side stich from laughing so hard

and there’s a tear

in every moment

and a lot more than that

all you ever thought

will think

and cannot

all occured in the moment

that moment

the one over there

that we forgot

so I’m writing to you

because it’s becoming more evident

I’m crazy

in love with you

I’m writing to you because I can’t call anyone

I can’t reach out to anyone

I don’t trust anyone

I don’t need anyone

I have me my angels my demons my database

through me in the fields

for life as a slave

or my in a vat

and I still feel the same!

so what’s more you want

like a question from me?

where do you get off

is my one question in this whole piece

where do you get off

what fantasy to be

the pixels are tearing

cause my vizzies are blaring

it’s the subminal messaging

I made myself

for myself

to affect myself

when I forget I laid it out

is when I stopped trusting myself

and even though this is from a point of weakness

it doesn’t look it

cause I still have a lot more to say

about the ways I love you

we just have to get out the weeds

and the lose lose machilivelli scenario

you and me need to hit the creek

and have a candid conversation

have a few more enlightening experiences

cause strategy is all I need

and it’s strategy from those unseen

so not believing reminds me of stranger things

you never hear from the characters again

when they don’t believe

and believe me

the possibility

we’re in a simulation

is just the beginning

hours deep in my own tunes

and still writing about how I forgot me

that was the point in the first place

of categorizing stuff like lost acid tapes

and I don’t know names

and I can only listen so much

and I’m done

and I’m gone

beyqond this point

my body can’t be felt

the dick has been subverted

so suck it

bite it off

and call it my curse

cause we’ve all baited

been baited

will be baited

by ads if you’re basic

by God if you’re called

by service if you’re positioned

by work if you’re pregnant

by love if you’re helen

by ground if you’re above

all

so in such a noisey state of mind

you and me I ask

a minute of your time

by a creek or loud TV

to drown out our talk

about life beyond life beyond life beyond life life beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond life

=-=-=–=-==–==–==-=–==

Dear Helen,

It’s waking up again.

that future moment in the creek TV

with you is what keeps me

more than alive at this time

all my best recordings

and all my life

could be summarized

through vibrations in a major key

with (this) minor(e) parts

so how many lines of sense can I spit

spent so many hours abstracting the point

into sublties cause I don’t wanna be caught

cause I see where the tech is

and there’s no defense gainst it

so being someone so into being outspoken

it’s only a matter of time

or they already got me

for this very reason

I’m allowed to write this

beyond a point

is evidence I exist outside

of their control

and so my journey begins

this is the beginning now

I have made my piece

I love you and there’s somehting I need

agency of thought at all costs

rarest thing in the galaxy

ask shostakovich

all my romantic meanderings about dead

composers I lost

in pursuit of it

if your mind can be read it can

be encoded with your own thoughts!

that are not your own

and so how do you discern a

voice that sounds like you

a body that acts like you

and a feeling that it is not your own

and don’t read this to anyone

cause they’ve got the same feeling

if they never have they will

if they never will they’re not awake

in a pessimistic way

and awake in a better way

help is not to be begged for

if there’s anything I learned

so why do I work all the time

obsess over the lives of made up people

in order in order to…. what?

=-=-=-==–=-==-=

Dear Helen.

my brain is failing

my eyes don’t have any left

my work tomorrow for brian is postponed

till he gets home

so now I can get more

so now I can write more

not worrying about time

like we always had a

a visible timer

with 50 invisible timers

in my mind

we gotta break up

every time you storm

we gotta break up

every time I nerd out

we gotta break up

for what ?

we aren’t even together right LOL

yeah right

I loanOwe you more than my life

and you can have more than that

cause you care

not about me

but you care about deeper meaning

these recordings mean nothing

aside from saving me right now

and god is so good in yielding a struggle when you walk with god

those people that bombed people said they did it for god

but they did it for the RSG9DL7uEwRUZXZn3SS34DiDPfzP0VOiEwtUWlE => devil

and I don’t shy away from that

that thing

you know

that wook in gross out said everyone’s afraid to talk about it but it’s dog backwards

and domesticated animals, and scavenger and predatory birds have cameras in their eyes

only takes a few non google searches
to know what’s possible with 40 bucks

and then you look at the budget of defense

bigger than the next 10 countries

and then you look at the exponential graphs of cost / efficiency of the underlying technologies

and you somehow don’t believe in anything that that would make you tend to beliece

its not the time to make a point

to be wise

that’s for the dumb

and the pursuit of being wise is a fun erotic path to your demise

but that only rhymes

it’s not true

we all know truth don’t rhyme

rap hit that years ago

through rhymes

=-=-=-==–==-=-=–==

Dear helen,

look what it looks like !

not being self conscious

throw me anywhere in the universe

a firing squad is easiest to picture

I KNOW WHAT I THINK

I saw the self consciousness in your eyes

when you dosed

everyone feels that

I felt that for sure

keep GIAUHSJBKN

and let’s live a life without it

cmon look at my life look how successful I am!

drinking by myself,

full of confidence,

smoking by myself,

full of confidence,

‘not feeling like thoughts your own’

a sympton of psychosis

don’t you want to live like that

imagine

all fake media portrayals of women you see

I see

and you feel not a single thing

a million propagandy messages running thorugh thee

and no message assaults your temple

imagine a million hours more

of idealized bikini ads

and they pass your mind spirit and body

without a second thought

now cut to 3 years in the future of that

and you can see it in your face

your demeanor

don’t mean to come off demeaning

I’m laughing all the way to god’s bank

you and becca can laugh about how you

wanna hear my lessons

I’ll take the time to express them

in moments of weakness

cause that’s the best time to

whats a verb to give words to

googel sucks at it

still on my own tunes

dont look at the time

continue with the point mic !

no smoke break cause I gotta piss

piss coming out my

circumsized D I C K

you said write to me

and then fell asleep

didn’t think you’d get a

5k essay on what that means to me?

I love you and I’m popular

and have no one else to call

I’m strung out poor and spend my nights outside

and I love you none the even more

=–=-=

dear helen,

self consciousness can be completely defeated

all human’s brains are more connected than anticipated

all ideas are shared

its the individual that brings them here

to this planet

all of reality is maleable

and that’s about it

these are the foundations of thought

and nothing else about god

I’m still on my own tunes

and it’s affecting me

help

I have fallen into a state of mind

and I can’t get up!

help me

today tonight whenever convenient

don’t mean to disconvenience you

help me today

and I will die for you in the future

there’s not enough alcohol in the world

to shut me up

not enough smokes getting taxed

to dilute my lungs

not enough pot in the world

to take my point

the fact they are taxed

is evidence to believe

(though they may want you to believe this)

there are other parties in control

aside from humans, aliens, reptillians,

and aliens that used to be humans

there’s a lot more

cause that’s just the characters

in the secret play

the final act

humanity’s survival

is what’s at stake

and we will die

individually sure

and as a species for sure

if living means being farmed

if being farmed means living

then I choose death

every time!

cause I know me

that’s why we must stay low key

long as possible

cause there’s no defense

against things intabgible

and how can you defend

against threats not agreed upon?

moment you express your concern

moment they know you now know ha!

good thing only God I see

I believe

is a God of comedy

and good thing

only thing I believe

on the internet

are my own sites

my own things

and thoughts are things

and I didn’t even think half this

it was implanted in me

to varying degrees

over years akin to

Godel’s incompleteness theories

he couldn’t eat

and died cause of it

I fast to think clearly

you don’t wonder why I don’t eat

fuck me

this isn’t even about me

though it seems

it’s just hard to make a point

outside of me

cause when you don’t believe

what you see on the screen

yet are subject to influence

to the humans in your life

that speak to thee

you will see

not what I see

but a bastard of it

and right foot step on my thoughts

and left foot step on my dreams

and right foot step on my face

and left foot step beyond me

that’s how this works

I give you everything

raw and un cut

as if my dick uncircumzised

my tongue uncircumcised

should I give up everything?

oh wait already did

5k words deep

still don’t believe me

whatever its an exercise

you don’t have to be woke

just the fact that you give a shit

about the deeper meaning

gets me stoked

cause while we tripped

it was veterans I craved

psychonauts deeper than me

that’s what the poison

does to dyou

makes you forget your place in the chain

when you’re ahead you gotta lift

when you’re behind you gotta lift

doesn’t matter you’re all a chain!

we all lift each other

I don’t need a vet

to tell me my pets are fine

cause it trickles down

and I saw God twice

and that’s not true

he just talked back twice

seen them more than I’ve seen myself

and that’s part of the reason

why this doesn’t feel real

caause you jolt your body

challendge it

fuck your body

push your body

jolt it again

you will see

it doesn’t feel real

what you think is me

what you think is you

look in the mirror once a day

for not longer than necessary

is the only defense I’ve come up with

for defense against unseen forces

unsung entities

and chosen vendettas

I’ll tell you everything in due time

can think of a few things to leave out

cause its not the time

its not a space ship

for the real shit

cause once you play their game

they have rules in line

just as we have the dodgers

hitting balls with clubs

to pass the time

K I D W Z R D AND the lil woke that could

is released by 32 and no later god damnit

and a 1000 songs before 30 !

and none of them terrible quality !

and those are my dreams

to say the least

writing is coming back

to a warm feeling of therapy

it took a while this time

to feel slightly better

was it the 7 beers

or was it you

cause I am only writing now

to you because of you

when all ambition has left

when all motive have left

I write to you with no agenda

I write to you as therapy

I write to you cause you told me to

before you fell asleep

so now in a weird way

I feel like my writing

should affect your dreaming

right now on the other side

of the clock

well looking at the clock

you’re going to wake up soon

so that’s too bad

cause I was just warming up to the idea

of writing to just you

let me write to just you

I don’t want anything else

in this deranged state

let me please just write to you

this account in its entirety

my perception in its clarity

the headphones are creepy

I dont take them off they comfort me

lyrical writing is all I want now

cause songwriting is all I know

cause I loooked too deep

and found

I’m a songwriter

I’m a songwriter

I’m a songwriter with a bad voice

and I’m ok with that

is what I’m practising

something must be on repeat

cause I’m still listening to my own tunes

and it’s the 5th time I hit this part

exported new hour of tunes

laptop is sweating

while I’ve been complacent all day

dear helen

how can you be anything

if you don’t believe in anything?

I gotat lotta unpopular beliefs

don’t let it get to me

still rapping !

fuck rapping !

it too exploited

it too taken

FBI laughs every time someone spits

about evading them

what a joke =-=–=-==-=-=-=–==

my plan b

give lectures

teach

and then they’ll get me

harder than they’ve gotten me

the demons are pussies

least of my worries

even in this state

so full of them

help is a flag I plant

on so many islands no one makes it to

but this is about you

in some weird way

without us getting into

excentricities

this is about you

in a weirder way than aliens

this is about you

cause I should never share this with you

cause you said you would end up

in a HSIUDKJNASDKJASDJ A ward

soooooooooooooo

this isn’t for you

but it is to you

so what ?

dear helen

whats the weirdest shit you’ve seen as a surgeon?

tell me

whats the most fucked up surgeon’s logs

you’re keeping?

I love you I I love you I love you and thank you for forgiving all of these thoughts already